Advice Column: Blunt Brittany

Need some straight to the point advice without any sugar coating? Ask Blunt Brittany. You may not like the answer she gives, but at least she\’s honest.

Dear Blunt Brittany,

I\’m not over my ex-boyfriend yet and it\’s killing me. How can I make myself feel better?

Well first, it\’s obvious since you sent this message that you\’re mourning the loss of him… and probably eating. And most likely doing nothing except those two things. So, the first thing you need to do is close the Myspace tab I know you have open right now and STOP stalking his profile. Mercilessly and jealously reading the new comments he receives from girls is not going to help you. In fact, it will only make you fat. Which would give him total satisfaction. You want to make him regret dumping you— not celebrate it.

So instead, go to a freaking gym. Right now. It may seem hard to do, to pull yourself away from his picture on your computer screen and the Ben and Jerry\’s you\’re stuffing into your mouth, and do it. Not only is there a ton of eye candy at the gym, but working out will also give you one hot body. Which, of course, you can then use to make one of those gym hotties (preferably one of the ones with rock solid abs) fall totally head over heels for you.

You can then focus all your attention on tongue wrestling with Mr. Sexy Abs. It may be shallow, but it\’s the perfect fix for a mending heart. And it will make your ex totally jealous, which, you know, is always fun.

 
Dear Blunt Brittany,

One of my teachers hates me. What should I do?

Well, maybe you should first ask yourself, “What the heck did I do to make this teacher hate me so much?” Teachers usually don\’t hate kids for no reason. However, there are two distinct traits in students that will make teachers despise you.

The first is that you\’re a condescending know-it-all. You act better than the teacher and roll your eyes whenever you\’re asked to do something. You believe that you already know everything in that subject and they couldn\’t possibly be teaching something new. You\’re always the first to raise your hand and you hardly ever give your classmates the chance to speak. You also never miss the opportunity to pounce and attack the teacher for any small mistakes.

The quick fix for this is to get a freaking reality check. If you stop acting so unbelievably pretentious, your teacher won\’t dislike you so much. Duh. They\’re your teacher for a reason; they obviously know more than you, just accept it. And maybe try being quiet for an entire class period. This will show both your teacher and your classmates that you are actually able to listen. And mainly, just remember that even if you are the smartest one in the class, no one really cares. They want to hear about how smart they are, not how smart you are.

However, if this is not you, there could be one other reason your teacher hates you.

And that is, you\’re the class clown. You goof off in class all day and hold no respect for the subject they\’re trying to teach. You take everything they say as a joke and there\’s no way in hell you\’d do anything they told you to. You disrupt the class and keep the others students from doing their work as well. Seriously, can you blame the teacher for getting annoyed with you?

Luckily, there\’s an easy fix for this as well. All you need to do is realize that class time is meant for learning. Take a deep breath before you enter the class, calm all you\’re A.D.D. hyper activity, and try to sit still for an entire class period. Even if you can\’t accomplish this, you\’re teacher should see that you\’re at least trying now. And who knows, you may actually become interested in what they\’re teaching and start wanting to pay attention in class.

I know, I know—it\’s a radical idea. But it could happen.

 

Do you want some advice that is as reliable as a Magic 8 Ball? E-mail Blunt Brittany at baronbanner@fvhs.com, and you will have all your questions answered!