Gender Wars Assembly

By Connie Nguyen, Staff writer

On March 30, students, segregated by gender, crowded into the gym for the annual Battle of the Sexes assembly. Posters covered the gym, and crowds of students shoved and maneuvered to enter.

However, many students weren’t expecting much.

Junior Joe Kim said, “My expectations are low,” while Emma Parker (‘10) predicted that the assembly would, “be cliché.”

The assembly opened with a short preface of the origin of Gender Wars as host Tommy Cameron (‘09) gets rejected after asking hostess Megan Garrity (‘09) to prom. As a result, the two decide to settle the age-old question of which gender is better in a battle of the sexes.

The assembly continued with a dance choreographed by ASB, which led to the actual competition. The events were chosen by the host and hostess, each taking turns to spin a wheel to determine the order of events. Events available on the wheel were Sumo Wrestling, Jousting, Gender Swap and Basketball.

Teachers and students were able to take part in the assembly. Sumo wrestling involved teachers duking it out while wearing bulky sumo wrestler costumes. The event became a real crowd pleaser, especially in the 3B assembly where Spanish teacher Ms. Benitez “surprise” attacked Spanish teacher Mr. Yarnton with a jousting stick after he won Biology teacher Ms. Foley.

“I liked the sumo wrestling. It was hilarious seeing the teachers in the costumes getting knocked over,” says junior Amanda Hsu.

Jousting and Gender Swap were both student athletic events. Jousting required the participants to fight in an inflatable ring while Gender Swap was a race to see who could get dressed the fastest in clothes of the opposite gender. Basketball, however, was a refreshing change of pace. Three audience members of each gender could participate in the event.

The final tie-breaker event for the competition was a relay race where teachers had to find a key hidden in a pan of peanut butter without using their hands. Then, a student had to search for a colored cloth, blue or pink for each respective gender, and hand it off to two of their teammates who were hand-cuffed together. The hand-cuffed teammates had to crawl under a desk together, while collecting pieces of cloth on the way and finally unlocking themselves at the end to determine the winner.

The day ended in a tie with a victory for the girls in the 3A assembly and a win for the boys in the 3B assembly.

Unfortunately, many students thought the assembly confirmed their initial suspicion. Sophomore Mai Linh Nguyen says, “It was worse than last year’s [assembly], because it was so obvious that it was rigged.”